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In the era of data-driven dating, you might assume we’ve unlocked the secrets of human attraction. Yet, as anyone who’s ever swiped can attest, finding “the one” remains as challenging as ever. At Keeper, we’ve taken a deep dive into the nuances of human connection, and what we’ve uncovered may surprise you.
The Magic Number: 33 Preferences
Our research shows that, on average, people choosing a partner have 33 distinct preferences. If you sat down right now to list your preferences for a partner, how many could you name? Most people struggle to come up with even 10. But that doesn’t mean the preferences don’t exist. Instead, our preferences are often so deeply ingrained that we don’t even recognize them as preferences. They’re simply what we consider “normal” or “right,” buried deep in our subconscious and shaped by our culture, experiences, and even biology. If you grew up believing a ‘normal’ level of competence around food was standard, you might not think to specify “my partner must be able to scramble an egg.”
The Preference Paradox
Here’s where it gets interesting: while we all have roughly the same number of preferences, their context and importance vary widely from person to person. What might be a dealbreaker for you could be irrelevant – or even attractive – to your best friend.
Some preferences truly are universal. We all want someone who treats us well. (Of course, what counts as “well” can certainly differ). Other traits fall into what we call the “long tail” – unique, sometimes quirky preferences that are deeply specific to each of us.
The Peter Thiel Perspective
As the co-founder of Keeper, I talk about dating all the time – with anyone who will listen. When we recently sat down for a chat with tech billionaire Peter Thiel, I was surprised to hear that he thought we were too detail-oriented. He believes you only need three qualities in a partner: hot, smart, and ethical. Once you meet someone who meets your bar for these three criteria, you will want to settle down with them. At first, this framework may seem reductionist, but these are complex categories. Let’s unpack them:
Hot: More Than Skin-Deep
When we talk about attraction, we’re not just referring to conventional beauty standards. “Hotness” is a complex interplay of physical attributes, behavioral traits, social signals, and intangible qualities like charisma.
Some people are drawn to specific physical features. Perhaps you have a thing for “aquiline noses” or “forearm veins” (both real requests). Others might find a particular type of intelligence or a particular skill set irresistibly attractive. And let’s not overlook the role of pheromones and other biological factors we’re only beginning to understand. Moreover, what’s considered attractive can change over time. Just as Kim Kardashian reshaped beauty standards (a concept that is changing all the time), shifts in societal values can impact what we find appealing in a partner.
From our experience making marriage-bound matches, we’ve seen physical preferences ranging from the common (like height or hair color) to the highly specific (such as “does not have a septum piercing” or “looks feminine in outdoor clothing”). Attraction is highly personal, requiring a mix of both implicit and explicit understanding to find someone who interests you.
Smart: A Multi-Faceted Gem
Intelligence isn’t just about IQ scores or academic achievement. There are multiple types of partnership-related intelligence, including:
- Emotional intelligence: The ability to understand and manage emotions
- Practical intelligence: The skills to solve problems in real-world situations
- Creative intelligence: The capacity for innovative thinking
- Social intelligence: The ability to navigate complex social situations with ease
When someone says they want an “intelligent” partner, they might be referring to any combination of these intelligences. Do you want someone clever, witty, book smart, or street smart? Of course you want someone “smart,” but what does “smart” mean to you?
Ethical: The Glue that Binds
Ethics and values are perhaps the most culturally influenced of Thiel’s three categories. What one person considers ethical behavior might be unacceptable to another. This category includes:
- Personal integrity
- Treatment of self and others (including animals and the environment)
- Views on social issues
- Religious or spiritual beliefs
- Approach to money and material possessions
Alignment in this area is the hardest to articulate. As anyone who has traveled will tell you, culture and values are implicit. Like a fish that doesn’t notice the water around it, we are so familiar with the world we inhabit that we fail to notice many of its optional or voluntary traits. When it comes to finding a lifelong partnership, we don’t know what we don’t know. That’s one reason why Keeper has a 1-in-10 success rate of first dates leading to marriage: when clients work with us, we often understand their preferences better than they do.
The Keeper Approach: Beyond the Big Three
While Thiel’s framework provides a useful starting point, at Keeper, we recognize that human attraction is far more nuanced. Our AI-powered matchmaking considers the full spectrum of preferences, including those you might not even realize you have.
Here are a few examples of specific requests we’ve encountered. While their categories (such as where to live, communication style, or aesthetic) are common, this is a context where the fine details truly matter:
- “Wants to own a lot of land with a garden and farm animals”
- “Is okay with mansplaining” (my favorite)
- “Likes to romp around in rain gear”
- “Not obsessed with Halloween”
- “Has a yogi-like communication style”
These might seem oddly specific, but we’ve found everyone has their dealbreakers. It’s the details that make the difference between a good match and a lifelong love.
The Paradox of Choice
With so many preferences at play, you might think finding a perfect match is nearly impossible. And you’d be right – if you were looking for absolute perfection. The key is understanding which preferences are must-haves and which are nice-to-haves.
This is where AI-powered matchmaking truly excels. By processing vast amounts of data and capturing the nuances of human preferences, we can identify compatibility in ways that go far beyond surface-level attributes.
The Future of Matchmaking
As we continue to refine our understanding of human attraction, the future of matchmaking is becoming increasingly sophisticated. We’re moving beyond simple compatibility scores to create matches that resonate on the deepest levels.
At Keeper, we don’t just match people based on shared interests or similar backgrounds. We consider the full spectrum of human preferences, from the obvious to the subtle, to foster connections that last a lifetime.
Looking Forward: The Human Touch in a Digital World
Despite all our technological advancements, finding love remains a fundamentally human experience. While AI can help us navigate the complexities of dating, it’s the human heart that ultimately decides.
So whether you have a thing for eagle-like noses, are seeking a partner who shares your dream of owning a farm, or simply want someone who can cook an egg, remember this: your perfect match is out there. And with the right tools and a bit of patience, you just might find them.
Ready to discover your 33 preferences and find your perfect match? Join us at Keeper, where we’re redefining the science of attraction – one connection at a time.
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