Lonely girl sits with her head in her arms
Published by  
Jake Kozloski
November 4, 2023

How to be Ugly, Lonely, and Eventually Divorced

If you’re fit and unsuccessful or wealthy and unattractive, stay the course
Jake Kozloski is the Co-founder and CEO of Keeper. He lives in San Francisco with his wife Aliia.

If you’re interested in dissatisfying relationships, this article is for you. There already exists a whole host of psychological research on relationships. Sometimes, learning what not to do can be as helpful than learning what to do. So if you’re in the dating world and would like to remain lonely, isolated, and partner-free, consider developing these traits and behaviors:

1. Lie about your Personality & Preferences 

A meta-analysis of 43 large-scale longitudinal relationship studies found that satisfying relationships can come from a diversity of personality traits. In short, anyone can find love. Rather than fitting some social ideal, finding your perfect partner comes from honesty and self-awareness about who you are and what you seek. Therefore, if you’d like to remain alone, lie to yourself and lie to others.

In our experience making exclusively matches that meet 100% of client priorities, dishonesty demolishes the process. We’ve matched people with precise preferences on religion, occupation, children, politics, and anything else you can imagine. If you want to fail in finding love, simply lie. Whether you love Pinochet or Karl Marx, Trump or Biden, we don’t judge your preferences. But failing to understand them will prompt future problems.

2. Avoid Fixing Your Weaknesses

If you’re fit and unsuccessful or wealthy and unattractive, stay the course. These dealbreakers will prevent potential partners from being interested in you, keeping you lonely for longer. Becoming a fit, successful, personable, well-rounded partner will attract a partner, and you don’t want that. Instead, simply wait and assume the problem will solve itself. As you get older, your dating pool will get smaller, so you’ll find yourself with a smaller pool of available people to date.

From our experience making lifelong matches, we’ve found wealthy people are most skilled at following this advice. Often, if wealthy people are having trouble finding a match, they’ll focus on making more money rather than becoming more charismatic, more physically attractive, or simply more fun. All three of these areas can be solved with the investment of money and time. However, if you’re already wealthy, adding more money will simply reinforce financial success as the main benefit you offer, exclusively attracting gold-diggers that will keep you unsatisfied.

3. Be Unattractive, Both Psychologically & Physically 

Attraction matters. If you’d like to fail in finding love, consider possessing these traits that will push others away, including: 

  • Impatience
  • Unkindness
  • Unfaithfulness

These traits translate into a high level of relationship conflict that keeps the partnership rocky. If those don’t work, try refusing to invest in a relationship (especially if you’re male) or taking worse care of your body (especially if you’re female). 

Physical attraction matters much more to male partners in heterosexual relationships. While many men are willing to enter a relationship as long as the woman is attractive, most women require an attractive man to come with other desirable attributes.

Practically, men rate women on a normal distribution while women rate most men a 2/10, but are still willing to date men they find less attractive. Therefore, if you’ve tried having an unenjoyable personality and still find yourself having too much dating success, consider adding poor physical fitness (especially if you’re female and seeking a partner with whom to have children).

Perhaps you possess some traits that are so attractive that partners are interested in dating you regardless of your personality and fitness. If that’s true, simply stop working on acquiring knowledge and resources. Income and wealth can help overcome short-term relationship blockers. Since money eases the stress of poverty, those with less financial security tend to experience shorter relationships and more divorce. Education also leads to greater relationship satisfaction. While the divorce rate statistic of “over 50%” is often cited, two people with college degrees drop that statistic to only 25%.

4. Select Partners Based Exclusively on Emotions 

As morbid as it sounds, every earthly relationship ends. The question is not whether it will end; the question is whether it will end in dissolution or death. 

Average relationship length is between 2 and 3 years. It’s no coincidence that research on the “honeymoon phase” finds greater likelihood of a relationship ending after this length of time. At that point, the relationship is no longer powered exclusively by emotions. If you’d prefer your relationships fall flat after a couple years, ensure that your partner has different long-term values and goals. Those connections help partners transmute passionate love into companionate love, which keeps the relationship strong.

Therefore, when you’re first seeking a partner, don’t seek someone who shares your hopes, dreams, aspirations, and lifestyle preferences. Instead, choose a partner simply because they prompt powerful emotions from you.

5. Reject Partners Similar to You 

Some partnership traits benefit from similarity. For example, partners with similar levels of extraversion may have similar social preferences, partners with similar conscientiousness may have similar standards, and partners with similar openness will enjoy similar types of conversation and experiences. If you’re aiming to keep your relationships dissatisfying, find someone on the other end of the spectrum for these Big 5 personality traits.

Incongruence in sexual behavior is also associated with decline in relationship satisfaction and increase in divorce. Sociosexuality, for instance, is the measure of someone’s desire for short-term mating opportunities (“casual sex”). While people with high or low levels of sociosexuality can enjoy satisfying committed relationships, those who have differing levels from their partner will have the most relationship friction. 

Rockiness tends to appear early in a relationship and remain relatively steady. Therefore, if you’re seeking a fractured romantic life instead of finding someone who already shares your key values and traits, find someone who strongly opposes you on key traits and expect them to change.

6. Commit Hostile Acts 

If you’ve followed all this advice and still find yourself in a relationship, don’t worry: you can still ruin it. Here’s how:

  • Cheat. 

While consensual non-monogamy is not well-studied, cheating in committed sexual relationships is well-known to lead to divorce, thanks to its creation of jealousy and its destruction of trust. 

  • Use alcohol and drugs. 

From their impact on behaviors and trust, it’s no wonder that substance use disorders harm partnerships and families. 

  • Stop having sex. 

Emotional and physical intimacy help form a strong bond between partners. To help break that bond, simply stop having sex. If you’re not sure how to stop, know that failing to have sex correlates with obesity, health problems, anxiety & depression, low relationship satisfaction, financial problems – essentially anything that could “kill the mood”. 

Consider the Opposite 

We hope you’ve learned all you need to know to remain single, lonely, and unattractive. Going forward, if you should ever seek long-term love, Keeper has partnered with thousands of clients to find their life partner.

We exclusively follow the opposite of this advice and only make 100% perfect matches. If you’re tired of difficulty finding someone who meets your standards, schedule with us today.

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